growing a family. Miles.

It was Summer 2012.
Life was great.
 Jake and I were madly in love celebrating our 10 year anniversary.
We had 5 perfect kids.
We had a "groove" and felt really peaceful with life.
{isn't this always the way it starts}

I sat in Relief Society that Sunday.
Our Bishop gave the lesson about families and receiving answers to prayer for their benefit.
He challenged us to kneel right there in the Relief Society room and each pray… and then remain on our knees and just listen.
I did exactly like he taught.
The spirit was strong and I had an impression come quickly.
There was another member of our family that I had PROMISED to mother.
This is not what I had expected to hear.
Just days before Jake and I had talked about our family being complete at 5.
Remembering that conversation, I responded back to heaven, "but what about Jake? We both need to be ready for another child."
The spirit responded very clearly, "He always listens."
I cried.
He does always listen.

It took me several days to digest what I now knew.
My pride and selfishness kept getting in my way.
Finally, I mentioned to Jake what I had been told.
He didn't say yes.
He didn't say no.
He said he would think about it.
So I waited and prayed for both of us to know.
Each time I mentioned adding to our family, he would brush it off, saying he didn't have an answer yet.

2012 turned into 2013.
One Sunday evening in January, Jake told me he had an experience at church.
He said that as he sat in church he heard a voice say, "Dad, you promised."
He knew it was our 6th child.
He always listens.

We began trying to get pregnant right away.
Months passed, then a miscarriage.
We decided to give it one more month.
Then we would be done.
That was "the" month.
We found out in September that we were expecting a baby in May 2014.
It felt surreal.
In a really, really good way.

My belly grew over the next few months.
My energy that was zapped from morning sickness began to return and brushing my teeth became less of a drama.
Smells became more tolerable and the kitchen sink stopped being my daily barf bucket.

In December we headed in for our gender ultrasound.
We chose not to find out that day if we were having a boy or girl.
We wanted to find out on Christmas morning.
 {it was KILLING me}
Jake took every opportunity to try to get me to open the envelope.
He knew I was weak.
Luckily, he kept me from peeking.
{because I def tried}
Christmas morning came.
Every one of our kids was equally excited to open the card to find out babies gender as they were any of their other gifts.
As we sat at the breakfast table, we opened the card containing pictures and a card that read, "it's a sweet baby boy!"
I cried tears of joy.
I knew it was right.
We were missing a son.

We started our home addition in February and our nights were filled with shoveling dirt and picking up construction trash.
{or  sometimes me sitting in a chair watching Jake do stuff on the nights my hips wouldn't work any longer}
I feel like all of those "date nights" staying up late working on our house were such a blessing to jake and I.
{and our kiddos}
We laughed as much as we worked.
And that is also the time we talked about names for our son.
Miles was always part of that conversation.
But so were many others.

The end of April rolled around.
I was officially done being pregnant.
Whenever there were plans or an invitation to go somewhere, my first response was always, "Do I have to wear pants? Or a bra?"
Seriously.
I was at that point.

On May 1st, I went to the Dr.
I asked him to set up my induction.
I needed an end date to keep my sane.
He agreed that if our little man hadn't come on his own by {my original due date} May 14th, he would take him out.
I felt okay with that… but hoped it wouldn't come to that.

I woke up on Wednesday, May 7th feeling fantastic.
After the past 2 days being full of fake contractions, I was disappointed that I felt as great as I did.
I showered, got dressed, cleaned my clean house, and went to the park with Macy, then to lunch at the school with my other kiddos.
I was asked by everyone how I felt.
I had to respond, "too good."
I got home from all of the activities around 1pm.
I put the freshly washed sheets on my bed and decided to organize the linen closet by color.
{of course}
As I was refolding a sheet, I heard a gurgle in my belly at 1:30pm.
Followed by a pop and water spilling to the ground.
It couldn't be!!!!
Luckily, I was neck deep in the closet with all of our towels.
And had my phone right there with me.
I called Jake and told him the news.
IT WAS BABY DAY!!
He headed home right away.

I had never had my water break before.
The Dr has always broken it for me.
None of my sisters have ever had their water break.
I was in uncharted territory as I swished around the house on my towel dripping water… and packing my hospital bag.
Jakes mom drove over to be with Macy and be here as the other kids got home from school.
Jake and I left our house for the last time as parents of 5.

I had this weird feeling in my gut.
Things weren't going to be the easy, fun cake walk that labors had been in the past.
I told Jake how I was feeling and he reassured me that things always work out the way the Lord has planned and told me we would pray before we went into the hospital.
Just as he promised, after parking, he walked around the car to my door and grabbed my hand and prayed for me, our son, the doctors, and our other children at home.
I felt peace come over me.

I did the walk of shame into Labor and Delivery, with my skinny jeans covered in obvious wet marks down my legs…carrying a soggy towel.
We were admitted and sent to a triage room to be evaluated.
I was given my gown and the contraction and heart rate bands were wrapped around my giant belly.
The nurses told me they would be back in 15 minutes after watching my contractions from the nurses station..
They walked out of the room nonchalantly.
Within a minute, 3 nurses rushed back in.
{nonchalantness gone}
Without their usual poker faces, I was asked to roll to one side, then the other.
{over and over}
Apparently with the first contraction, our sons heart rate had dropped down 100 beats per minute.
{down to 50}
They began asking a million questions as an IV was being put into my arm.
They prepped a labor room for us to be transferred.

They asked if I would be willing to get my epidural catheter put in {without the medicine}
So I could be ready for an emergency C-section in case his heart didn't jump right up after a contraction.
I was willing to do anything to make sure he was here quickly and safely.

We were told that the entire nursing staff was watching our sons heart rate at their nurses station.
But i can guarantee that nobody was watching or praying for him as much as Jake and me.
In our empty, dim room ,  each time the wave of a contraction began to build, I would close my eyes and listen to his heart rate beeping.
What typically sounded like a team of galloping horses, slowed with each contraction to a slow beep…beep… beep.
Some really fervent prayers were said in those moments.
And my heart flooded with gratitude each time his heart rate picked up again.
Jake was trying not to worry me, but I could see the emotion on his face.
He would walk over to the computer screen tracking my contractions and heart rate and check the numbers between each contraction… and when things were really hairy, he parked himself in front of it.

My Doctor came when his last patient had been seen for the day.
I fully expected to be brought into the OR for a C section.
Instead, Dr. Huish came and checked me.
{and put a fail proof heart rate monitor on our babies head}
He silently looked at the chart for a moment and said,
"We are going to continue just the way we are, but lets get you on some piton. This labor will be hard and fast.  He isn't going to handle this for long."

I felt blessed to have the Dr that delivered my 3 other babies there.
I trusted his judgment.
I was given pitosin and I was at 4cm.
I knew we were far from out of the woods, with a long way to go, but there was hope that surgery wouldn't be needed.
We called our moms to give them updates.
We told them I was only at a 4 and it would be hours before he would arrive.
Jakes mom put our kids to bed and both moms relaxed a bit waiting for "the call".

About 20 minutes later, each contraction brought with it sharp pain in my hip and back on my left side.
Even through the epidural, I was having a rough time focusing outside of the pain.
At the same time, our sons heart rate was staying down longer than before.
I was terrified.
Our nurse came to camp out in our room, just in case.
She asked us what were were going to name him.
Jake looked at me and me at him and said, "Miles".
It was decided.
Miles means "soldier"… and this labor seemed like a battle… and he was continually fighting.
{a soldier indeed}

I asked the nurse about the pain in my hip and back, and she told me the epidural must not be working well.
After I complained a little more, she agreed to check me.
The look on her face was priceless.
"You are complete and he is right here! Please don't push."
Within a matter of minutes, our Dr had been called back to the hospital.
And so had both of our Moms.
Ashlinn and Hallie were also coming to be there for his birth.
But they weren't the only ones.
Staff members began pouring through our door.
That delivery room was full of people in scrubs.

The head nurse {who had come with the rest} let Jake and I know that,
"over there is the NICU team." {motioning to a group in the right corner}
"Over there is the infant recusitation team." {pointing to another group to the right}
"This is the backup OB." {motioning to a gentleman near the foot of my bed}
And apparently the remainder of the audience were just extra hands.
We were told that after he had been through so much trauma he would most likely be born blue, recusutated, then rushed to the NICU.
The head nurse then said, "Your Dr. will be taking extreme measures to get him out quickly. Forceps, vacuum, etc."
I just blinked.
At this point, bring it on.
Just get our son here.
But then I prayed one of the most sincere prayers I have ever prayed.
"Please give me the strength to get him out quickly. Please send angels to help me."

Dr. Huish walked in.
Jake and I were ready and so was everyone else.
He smiled his typical smile, walked up to my face and made eye contact.
"You will do great. Let's get your little baby here."
He then gave me permission to push.
I began pushing and was immediately told to slow down.
And he was born.
{within one push}
No vacuum, forceps, cutting, etc.
{prayers are heard}
His cord was wrapped around his neck twice.
{explaining the heart rate issues}

Not only did he turn pink right away, but instead of being whisked away, Miles was lifted up and laid on my chest.
He was perfect.
One of the most handsome newly born babies I had ever seen.
I was immediately in love.
Full to the brim.
Jakes face was priceless.
He looked at our baby boy with immediate awe and pride.

Outside of the curtain, I  heard the familiar voices of our moms and my oldest 2 daughters.
They have perfect timing.
We got to tell everyone his name.
Miles Loye Willis.
{and let them hold him}
The medical personnel that once filled the room all trickled out since they were not needed.
I couldn't peel my eyes away from our perfect Miles.

And nothing has changed.
He is still a perfect miracle.
And I can't seem to stop staring.