cleanse o' Rama... part deuce

As promised a few days ago, 

here are the results of my illustrious cleanse week.

but before I do...

{I'm gonna delay...like they do before the results of anything important}

Every testimonial and review of this cleanse I googled all boasted that ANYONE doing this right would lose AT LEAST 7 lbs.

{with most experiencing  double digit weight loss}

that sounded like something worth doing for only a week!

It's no secret that I have a lame metabolism.

By lame, I mean its super amazing at keeping me the exact same weight...no matter what I do.

I have counted calories for months, exercised for hours and hours, and run for miles on end... only to have the scale read no different.

{or show a gain of a pound or so}

{for the past 3 years!!}

ya,ya, muscle weighs more...

{totally and completely frustrating}

Not that I wanna drop 20 lbs or anything, but i'd like to see some kind of results!!

So, I began this cleanse with very high hopes.

{especially since fruits and veggies are truly my favorite foods}

I just knew this would be fruitful.

{no pun intended}

{or maybe a bit intended}

I was so thrilled Jake was willing to join me.

this would be so much easier with a partner in starvation.

On day 2 I had lost almost 2 pounds.

I figured it was water weight, but I was fine with that.

{loss is loss}

By day 4, I was down 3.

{not quite the pound a day I was hoping, but just fine}

Day 5, oh day 5!!!!

this day was lean meat and tomatoes.

I thought I read we could eat 2oz of lean meat and 6 tomatoes.

We ate our 2 oz...tiny portion...for breakfast...and I began eating tomatoes...all...freaking...day.

{i really, really don't like tomatoes}

By 4:30 pm I was IRRITABLE!

{By that I mean totally POed}

I was soooo hungry.

I was tired.

And I only had 2 tomatoes left for my daily food intake.

{although I had only consumed 380 calories that day}

So I began googling...

there was no way this starvation was good for me. at .all.

Thats when I read it wasn't 2 oz of meat...it was 20.

TWENTY ounces!

That was the best news since ... well... ever!

After a check with Shelley and a call to Jake, I was defrosting a chicken breast...and a steak for my man!

Then my body ate a few bites and I couldn't eat anymore.

It was rebelling...by having a tiny stomach and zero appetite...anymore.

So I woke up Saturday, day 6, soooooo happy to be able to eat any/ all veggies I wanted.

{heaven!}

I had lost 4.8 lbs.

{lets call it 5...just to make me feel better}

I wasn't surprised...since I had truly eaten next to nada the day before.

I decided that since I had been so upset with meat the day before, I would make this another veggie only day.

But ALL the veggies i wanted to eat.

I felt so much better after chomping my greens.

{I realized I actually may live through this thing}

I did end up eating half a chicken breast for dinner, but I had really no appetite at all.

{I was anxious to see my total the next morning}

{my final day}

I had kept tack of my daily calorie intake

{since I am freaky about that kinda stuff}

and I hadn't eaten over 1100 calories a day all week...with an average of 750 calories a day.

I stepped on the scale on day 7 with high hopes....

{drum roll please}

and...

I had gained 2 lbs.

yes, GAINED from day 6!

How in the bleep?

I had only eaten veggies and half a chicken breast?

Did I really only lose 2.8 lbs this week?!?!?!?

To say I felt frustrated was a complete understatement.

{especially when Jake lost 10}

{and danny and annell lost 12lbs and 9 lbs}

{and we ate mostly identical foods}

I kept thinking, "what did I do wrong?"

After a brief pity party, I decided to count my blessings.

I HAD lost 2.8 lbs in a week.

{the most weight loss I've had in a week since I gave birth}

{or had the flu}

That was great news.

{not as great as I hoped, but great none the less}

I had to change my attitude.

My handsome, always trying to help, husband said to me, "at least if there is a famine, you won't die right away."

My body is SO resilient!

I laughed so hard that the kindest thing he could say at that moment was that I would die slowly in a famine. :)

He really was trying to be uplifting.

{bless his sweet man heart}

So, overall, I would say it was worth it.

{since really, there was only 1 day of complete heinousness}

And it was a funny experience to share.

Jake and I both agreed we would do it again...although I may add some foods to different days.

{I mean come on, its not like I can lose less than 2 lbs!}

I was so thrilled that they served key lime coconut cupcakes in relief society.

{no better way to gain back both of my pounds}

:)

Happy Monday!