Reality

I woke up Sunday morning to tate and hallie and jake and me in our bed.
{It is only a queen size bed}
Hallie had just arrived for some "snuggle" time and Tate had come in about two hours before.
I thought about how blessed I was to have these sweet snuggly little kiddos.
As I walked down the hallway to check on my other precious kids, I saw Ashlinn on her top bunk with her leg draped over the side and then Crew sleeping in his big boy bed for the first time, still holding his Thomas pillow by his face. My heart was happy. I walked to the kitchen to try to get something done before too many things began, I saw a sunrise thet was incredible.
I was overwhelmed by all the blessings I have. 

Although I expected to have all of the physical demands, and time demands, and attention demands of four kids, I didn't expect the emotional rollercoaster. Over the past week, there has been so much excitement, but there are times when my heart is hurting for everyonew making the adjustment. When Ashlinn asked if I was going to give her to a new family I felt like I had failed. When Hallie begs to be held, but I am already balancing two boys...my heart is sad for her. When we drop Crew off at "grandmas" and he cries for us, I want to steal him and run. When my baby Tate gives me a look  like I have forgotten him, my heart breaks.
After church, we had planned to go to Jake's family and introduce Crew to all of them. We waited for Jake. After a little while, he came up and told me that bishopric stuff (important stuff) had come up and he couldn't go with us. I was already at the edge of feeling like I was giving all I could. I got in the car and cried as I drove. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep, the fact that it was fast Sunday, or all of the above mentioned, but I cried.  I wanted to have more time, more energy, more hands.
{When  I got to Jake's parents, I got my wish.}
They both jumped in.  Gramps took Tate and they grilled some chicken together. Granny gave the girls the attention they needed, and I was able to give Crew the comfort he needed when meeting new people in a new place. (not to mention that dinner was made for us too)  It was just what I neded. The Lord needed Jake's help in our ward, but he gave me two more people to help me out.
I know that this is what He wants us to do right now, and He will send help when we are doing our best.

I went to sleep feeling more blessed than I woke up.